Solomon's Words of Wisdom

So we are at La Hacienda Ranch this evening for dinner...

Solomon:  I'm going to make some money.

Me:  Well, just how do expect to do this?

Solomon:  Mowing yards.

Me:  Well, you are still a little young, plus allergies and all...

Solomon:  Hmm...I know, a lemonade stand!

Me and Mom:  Those never do well.  They sound great, but never do well.

Solomon:  I know, a BEER stand!

Me:  Well, you certainly would do well with that...but...

A better design...

Ok, so I'm using the bathroom and do the obligatory "turn on the fan" because, well, I think all of you have used the bathroom at one time in your life.

So I'm thinking, this fan has to suck the air out of the bathroom from the top of the room, meaning the gases need to be drawn through the airspace in which we stand in order to be evacuated.

That makes no sense whatsoever.

The origin of the odoriferous emanations is low, at seat level, if I may.  Not up high.  So why don't they locate the bathroom exhaust fan behind the throne?  This would seem to make the most sense to me.  Allow me to graphically demonstrate the logic of my discussion:

As you can see, this is clearly the less offensive choice.

Thanks for listening,

E

A Moment of PANIC!!!

Ok, so I'm getting ready one Tuesday morning (before school was out), doing all of those things you do to get ready, and I realize it is Tuesday.

So I go'round, (baby, right round, like a record baby, round round, round round) gather up all the trash, and head out to the official refuse container issued by the City of Carrollton.  I place the trash into the container and head back in.

I take the Solomonster to school, and come back seeing the trash man not too far from my house.  As I re-enter my house, I notice my blue tooth headset is on my head, but my phone is not in my hand.  I figure it's in the truck, so I take the blue tooth off and enter the house.  I start to make some breakfast when I realize I think I need to check my calendar.  Ok, I'll go find the phone in a minute.

I start to look for my blackberry.  Not in the usual places, must have left it in my truck.  Nope, not in truck.

I decide to go call myself from the home phone.  I don't hear it ring.  I start to think...GASP! It must be in the trash can!

I sprint to the garage with the house phone in hand, I see the trash man is 1 house away through the garage window.  I hit redial, it starts to ring.  The frickin' garage door can't open fast enough!  As it finishes opening, I duck under it to get outside, I hear the faint chirp of my phone, almost as if it is Penelope Pitstop tied to the tracks and Dick Dasterdly is bearing down on her in a train at full speed.  "Save me!  Save me!"

The garbage truck puts the nextdoor neighbor's trash can down, I open the lid to my trash can, there lies my poor little Penelope.  Missed call displayed and all.

Man, that would have sucked.

E

Lake Vacations...

Ok, so G-momma plans a vacation at a lake with my inlaws, inclusive of her brother and his insanely fast bass fishing boat.  How insanely fast?  Well, let's just say there is a 3.1 liter, 250 horsepower motor on this thing.  Yeah, it giddy-ups and go's.

I didn't grow up going to the lake as a kid.  I grew up going to hotels in various parts of the country which took hours to drive to.  I'm still not 100% convinced "lake vacations" are superior to the vacations I grew up on, but I will say they have their merits.  So far, here are some interesting high points:

• Solomon and Cali competing for bragging rights as to who is the superior fisherman between them
• Above children rubbing their father's nose in the fact they have caught more fish than he has
• Putting two citronella candles (tall ones) in a pot only to see all the wax pool at the bottom and catch on fire quite nicely.
• Telling a certain someone (not G-momma) to not pour water on the raging fire (that is now threatening the entire porch structure due to it's size) because it is an oil fire and will just spread.
• Seeing certain someone go ahead and pour water on it anyway.  (Wow, that was impressive to see what happens when you do that)
• Scooping dirt and ashes up with a tablespoon to try to put out the fire.  (Ever heard the analogy "That's like charging hell with a squirt gun?"  Well, that came to mind as I was scrambling to figure out how to put this thing out)
• Standing triumphantly over doused fire only to see it re-lite itself.

I will tell you that things like the above never happened on my style vacations.  So perhaps there is something to be said about going somewhere to be constantly bit by mosquitos that creates memories that are a little more vivid than just going to Disneyland or some other themepark or city.

E